Jack Isaac Voigt

I think about you everyday.

I remembered your tears today.

One day when Jack was still alive I had been sitting beside his bed reading scripture out loud to him.. looking at him and wondering how this tiny body endured what it had been through. I didn't understand and as my mind tried to comprehend what it was seeing doubt began to creep into my heart. I was seeing Jack for the first time through my eyes not God's. I turned my head to the right and laid my head down beside his arm and cried so hard, I felt so helpless and there was nothing I could do for my son. When I opened my eyes I focused on an erase board that had been hung in his room. And there it was.. a nurse had came in his room sometime before and wrote "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding" it was exactly what I needed. I had doubted only because I was looking at things through man's eyes and not God's.

The key to my personal survival has been remembering to give my problems to God and to fully depend on Him (so easy to forget when we live in a world of do it yourself independence and I'm the worst at excepting help) and then to trust Him, to truly trust when I pray that He hears me and that when my prayers aren't delivered in the way I would like.. that it is for the best because He knows the outcome of all. And in that decision to trust Him, I am strengthened because I know then that I have fully accepted His will.

This scripture is very important to me, I wear it around my finger etched into a silver band as a reminder.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5

Today I am remembering getting that call and telling me that you had arrived Jack.  :)  So exciting!!  You were here such a short time but I will never forget you!  Love Rainy

Although I did not get the honor of meeting him, through you and Tony I knew him and think of him often.

What Jack did for me was remind me that God did exist. Not that I didn't think that he didn't exist but throughout the whole 58 days of Jack's life I do not believe I've ever felt God's presence as strong as I had my entire life in the 58 days that Jack lived. What happened is that I just quit listening and through all of the prayers and conversations with God my ears are WIDE open now.

It has also taught me to not worry about the trivial things that my kids do that irritate me and that EVERY DAY is PRECIOUS!!!! I love you guys and you are all still in my prayers, :P

I remember singing to you... Dream A Little Dream Of Me, over and over.
In the verse that went:

Sweet dreams til sun beams find you
Sweet dreams that leave our worries behind you.
But in your dreams
Whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me.

That was me singing to you about holding on to God in your sweet dreams until He gives you back to me with sun beams. For you to hold on to Him and ignore our worries but not to forget me and to always come back and not stay long. I always asked you that if you heard Jesus calling your name that you would return to me and not leave me for long. As time passed I watched you endure so much and my selfishness melted away. I leaned down and whispered in your ear that if God called your name again and you wanted to stay longer, I would understand... I would understand that you were listening to your Father, that you were only being obedient. And then you left a week later. I'll never forget whispering those words and I'll never regret it either, because God's Will be done.

 Now I hear you singing it to me and telling me to hold on to God until he gives me back to you.

I remember reading to you, I loved reading to you so much. I was always drawn to The New Testament, I wanted you to know everything about Jesus. I learned more about my faith reading the bible to you than I had in my entire life of studying God's word, alone. We discovered so many amazing things side by side. I knew you were to young to verbally understand but I'm positive you could feel God's presence around you. I remember your nurse, Audrey, I miss talking with her, she would light up when she spoke of her faith. We would each get on one side of your bed and share our experiences of how God had effected our lives. There was so much laughter and warmth around you, God blessed you with surroundings full of peace. No one cried because of what might happen, no one spoke sad words or showed pity because of what they saw. We were excited because you were alive, and no matter how the tables turned you were going to be healed, because God's Grace is sufficient.

I keep telling myself that it will get easier to be around other babies and that I'll finally be able to not immediately remember your cry first when I hear other cries, but it's just not so. I miss you Jack. I may not ever be able to sit near another child and not think of you. But I'm okay with that. I'm looking forward to seeing you again, but in the mean time I'll settle for watching your videos and listening to your heartbeat. Daddy loves you.

I remember the feel of your soft baby skin, I miss it so much. You used to grip my finger so tight.

I remember the time you were really wiggly, I never actually seen you move but you would repeatedly shift to the left. It was quite an anomaly among the nurses, you made us laugh and it was like you were smiling with us. It was the only time I got to put my face to yours. The bed was more of a table like crib and it wasn't possible to reach you but you wiggled over to the left so I leaned in close. Your skin was so soft, I ran my nose along your cheek and ear and gave you soft baby kisses. I kissed your hair, it was so delicate and soft, little baby wisps of hair. I still remember what they felt like on my lips. I love you, Jack.

Jack!  What a special boy he was in my life!  When I think about him, the life he lived, and the way his parents gave their all for him, I can't help but be overwhelmed with bittersweet joy.  He was such a fighter.  Coming in to work, I could only hope and put in my request that I would be the one taking care of Jack for the night.  I loved being his nurse!  I loved when he would open his eyes and look at me when I would assess him and turn him.  I was so thankful to have met Tony and Angi.  They kept their faith in the Lord throughout this journey.  His scripture filled wall was an amazing testimony.  I loved reading all the new verses for the day.  Jack was bathed in scripture from his parents.  What a precious sight to see when they would sit by his bedside and read God's Word out loud to him!  I am thankful to have been apart of his precious life.   

I remember leaning over you and watching you sleep, and hearing the sound of the ventilator as it captured your breath, allowing it to pull each one in and out of your lungs. You were so strong, you had begun to  breath over the machine and it caused a small leak as YOUR actual breath came out around the tube. I leaned over you and you were breathing strong enough to allow me to feel your breathe on my face. It had a soft, sweet smell, I will never forget that moment. It took my breath away, it was pure amazement that I felt and awe at your abilities to over come. The things we take for granted in this life... every moment I had with you, I cherish and always will. I love you Jack.

Dear Jack, you will always be Jack the Giant-Slayer to me. We saw you fight and fight and fight for

life, and you kept coming back for more.  You have won the final battle and stand in the presence of

the King.  Praises to the great I AM , we shall live in the light of the risen Lamb!  Tiny Warrior, you have won all our hearts, and we can't wait to see you again!

I remember YOU, Jack. I remember laying my head at the same level as yours.. trying to see this world from your perspective and through your eyes. I didn't like what I saw either. I would've kept my eyes closed all the time also. I know you would've had them opened more if it weren't for the swelling. I remember how strong you were.. I remember the first time I actually saw you shed tears, it broke my heart. I love you so much Jack.

I will always remember Jack! From the first night he came to PICU, I felt drawn to him. I looked forward to going to work to see how he was doing. I loved my conversations with Jack, encouraging him to fight strong and praying with him, feeling his little hand wrapped around my finger when I was doing his treatments, and just praying so hard for him to win his battle! I know he fought all he could and ultimately God did heal him, I know he is in no pain and looking down on you guys and smiling that quirky smile of his! Gaige and Jack were blessed with such awesome parents! I continue to pray for all of you that you may find peace and comfort in the most difficult times! God Bless you and take care!

My memories of Jack consist mainly of the day he was born... how perfect you were, how content you seemed to be held in the arms of your mommy and daddy, and how expressive your eyes were. Taking off your cap and looking at your hair, kissing your head, looking at your tiny fingers... I am so thankful for the brief moment that I got to hold you that day. If I had only known... I'm not sure I would have held you at all... I know how much your mommy needed that time with you. That brief moment with you gave me a strong sense of connection and love for you. Later that night, riding with your daddy to St. Francis... I know he would have gone 100 mph if I wasn't there, just because he loved you that much and didn't want you to be there alone. Staring at you through the glass at the NICU... I couldn't really see you, but I felt closer to you anyway. I felt guilty in the time that was spent away from you. You were so strong, so brave; you've changed my life forever, sweet baby Jack.

My memory of Jack is actually that of an admiration from afar. Although I was never Jack’s official nurse in the PICU, I kept updated on him just the same. Each night that Chrysta would take care of Jack, we would discuss how "Jack Attack" was doing. I remember an instant attraction to this precious boy because his age difference with his older brother was the same as mine and my little brother Jack. I was always impressed by the strength that Jack had to keep running the race, and he finished well. Jack was surrounded by the most incredible family, and he will forever be loved.

I remember the sound Angi made when the last push was done and Jack first let us know he was here: it was the most beautiful sound, the sound of a mother so wanting and so longing for her baby. The sound of her crying as she held him for the first time, telling him how beautiful he is. I remember how he would immediately react to touch, and how strong his grip would be on anyone who didn't mind losing their finger for as long as he would hold it. Even his toes would clench over my fingertip. I remember bending down by his side and singing into his ear, and how it would sometimes put him to sleep. Those songs will never be the same for me, because those are my baby's songs.

I remember: Jack's "walnut crackin" thumbs. His pouty lip, and his sweet little smirk. I remember all his little critters guarding him in his bed. Walking into his room to get him ready to head to his first surgery and Tony was playing Journey on his cell phone out loud for Jack to hear... so cool! Tony and Jack having a moment during a bath... Tony lifted Jack up so mom and I could change his blankets. Discussing with mom and dad whether or not it would be "ok" to draw chest hair on his sternal dressing... I am glad we just stuck with the Bible verses! :) How much Jack loved the green mint mouth swabs.

I never had the pleasure of meeting Jack face to face.  I did have the great honor of having him in my life through emails, text messages, and pictures.  This beautiful young man may have only blessed us by being here for a short time but he most assuredly touched everyone.  I can honestly say seeing and hearing about him made me appreciate my children more everyday.

 

God bless Tony, Angi, Gaige, and Jack.

 

Love in Him,

Kelley, Melissa, Tony, and Piper Jackson

I don't even know if the right words exist to describe the beautiful blessing of each of Jack's 58 days. I know that when I looked at that sweet face, I saw the incredible strength that he embodied.  Anytime I hear the word strength I'll picture that precious little warrior. We know that in this life our battle is not with flesh and blood but with spritual forces. And Jack was the ultimate dragon slayer. Each moment of his life was a battle against the evil forces bent on destroying him. And in the end God delivered him from this life and welcomed him back into His arms with a hearty "well done, my good and faithful servant."

It was an honor to be touched by his life. The bravery of one tiny boy surpassed that of a hundred ordinary men. It's because of Jack that I can be a little more brave.....a little more alive in all my days ahead.

My beloved Jack, you will forever be my hero.

I loved the sound of your first cry, I never would have dreamed it would be the last time I would hear it. I remember the short time I got to hold you, you were so soft and cozy. You fit right in my arms so perfect. I shared that with everyone that was in the room that day, I thought I had forever to hold you.  If I would just known.. I would have never let you go, I would have held you safe and close forever. I just wanted to protect you.