Jack Isaac Voigt

I miss you Jack, you would be 6 years old this year. My brother had a baby girl exactly 1 month after you were born, March 3, 2015, Abigail will be 6 as well.  He died in November, my brother Greg, death has overrun my joy these past years. My Dad, my Grandmother, this past year has been the hardest ever. I'm hoping 2015 will be filled with God's peace and rest.

Jack... you still visit my heart so often. I miss you more and more every year, month, day, hour and minute that your gone. Some think since I had another baby that all my pain should disappear, that you should no longer be in my thoughts. It just doesn't work like that, you can't replace the love you have for a lost child with the gain of another. I love you Jack Isaac and I look forward to seeing you again.

God has blessed us with Baby Grace. Grace Elizabeth was born Oct. 24th 2011, she is strong and healthy and I thank God for that every day. She has been a breath of fresh air, she makes me smile when I didn't think it was possible anymore. Watching her grow has been a strong reminder of my Jack. I get confused by the happiness and sorrow mixed together, but I know my baby Jack watches over his sister. I tell myself they knew each other, which they may very well have ;) that Jack asked Grace to come into this world to make his mommy smile again. And you know what? It worked.

The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. May His name be praised." -Job 1:21

Everything seems so surreal today, it's like I woke up and realized my son is gone and then I questioned the fact whether it really happened or not. All I can see that remains of him is this belly that doesn't go away. Yes, I have pictures displayed but they do not look like the child I loved so dearly in the hospital. There's no tubes or loud noises coming from them. Strange as it is, that is what I knew. I seen Jack in his healthy form for one hour of his life so I am not too familiar with the baby in these pictures.

Work was harder than usual today, everywhere I looked I saw babies and all I could see was Jack and the child he will never be. It's robbed me of my thoughts and now I can't speak, I form the words but nothing comes out. I've spoke maybe four words since I've gotten home from work. No one understands why I'm silent and I  can't speak. I can't speak the words of a grieving mother. I can't say I wish I could kiss him again, I can't say I wish I would have kissed him more. I can't say I miss him. Can I not utter these words because it didn't really happen, have I finally woke from this bad dream and am now taking in it's effects of my mental state or is reality setting in and I'm not liking how it feels.

God do you still listen when I can't speak, when Your spirit cries out on my behalf, will you fill my soul with unspoken words, unspoken words that speak to the ones who are concerned with my silence. Will you help them to understand my pain without me having to speak. Will you comfort them and let them know it is well. Can I cry in my silence and be comforted quietly knowing they understand.

It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It's been harder lately, I really miss reading to Jack. I miss everything.

It's so hard to go through all the changes in my body after having a baby, even a year later, without having that baby to remind me it was all worth it. It allows the pain to emerge, that empty womb that once carried him becomes so foreign. I thought I was pregnant again and I wasn't, just my hormones continuing to play cruel tricks on me. Cruel tricks... perimenopause, it's like being pregnant all the time, can it get any crueler? Of course it can, but right now my emotions say different! God will prevail, He will show me his light in this slight glimpse of dark. That's something I can always depend on.

My insides quiver with nausea when I think "it's almost been a year."

You will weep no more.
How gracious He will be when you cry for help!
As soon as He hears, He will answer you.


Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity
and the water of affliction,
your teachers will be hidden no more;
with your own eyes you will see them.


Whether you turn to the right or to the left,
your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying,
"This is the way; walk in it."

Isaiah 30:19-21 NIV

I read this to Jack before he was born, as he lived and the day he passed.

It was given to me not just by God, but by someone that was touched by it's meaning and it's true gift of healing.


O LORD, You have searched me and You know me.You know when I sit and when I rise; You perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down; You are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue You know it completely, O LORD.

You hem me in—behind and before; You have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence? If I go up to the heavens, You are there; if Imake my bed in the depths, You are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there Your hand will guide me, Your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say,"Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,"even the darkness will not be dark to You; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to You.

For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, Your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are Your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand.

When I awake, I am still with You. If only You would slay the wicked, O God! Away from me, you bloodthirsty men. They speak of You with evil intent; Your adversaries misuse Your name.

Do I not hate those who hate You, O LORD, and abhor those who rise up against You? I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies.

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Psalm 139

A baby born in the cold gently sighs as he is being held warm by his mother, the divine Word reduced to a few unintelligible sounds. Then for the first time, the baby's eyes fix on his mother's. Deity straining to focus. The Light of the World, squinting. Tears pool in her eyes. She touches his tiny hand. Hands that once sculpted mountain ranges now cling to her finger. Mary looks up at Joseph, and through a watery veil, their souls touch. He crowds closer, cheek to cheek with his betrothed. Together they stare in awe at the baby Jesus, whose heavy eyelids begin to close. It has been a long journey. The King is tired.

And so with barely a ripple of notice, God stepped into the warm lake of humanity. Without protocol and without pretension. Where you would've expected angels, there were merely flies. Where you would have expected heads of state there were only donkeys, a few haltered cows, a nervous ball of sheep, a tethered camel, and a furtive scurry of curious barn mice.

Except for Joseph, there was no one to share Mary's pain or her joy. Yes, there were angels announcing the Savior's arrival, but only to a band of blue collared shepherds. And yes, a magnificent star shone in the sky to mark his birthplace but only three foreigners bothered to look up and follow it. Thus in the little town of Bethlehem… that one silent night, the royal birth of God's Son tiptoed quietly by… as the world slept.

Ken Gire, Moments With The Savoir

Christmas is not just a date on the calendar. It is not just an annual holiday. It is not a day to glorify selfishness and materialism. Christmas is the celebration of the event that set Heaven to singing, an event that gave the stars of the night sky a new brilliance.

Christmas tells us that at a specific time and at a specific place a specific Person was born. That Person was God of God, Light of Light, the Lord Jesus Christ.

From the lips of Him who came fell these words: "The Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost" Luke 19:10. Like piercing trumpets, these words heralded the breaking in of the Divine to human history. They declare that Heaven has come to our rescue and that God has not left us to stumble alone on Earth's pathway. What a wonderful and glorious hope we have because of that first Christmas.

-Billy Graham, Hope For Each Day

Why do we forget so easily what God has truly done for us. There isn't a day that goes by that someone, somewhere doesn't ask, "Where is God? Has He abandoned us? We pray and He doesn't answer. Why?"

Know that He always answers your prayers, it just may not be the way you wanted. Each of us represents a tiny part of a huge plan that only He knows. We can not even begin to fathom the extent of it. That silent night so long ago was a part of God's plan. A plan that started so small, a plan that shined out through a child's eyes. God stepped down from his thrown and was born into human flesh to show us then and thousands of years later, that He would give up everything for us. That He would not abandon us. That He would save us from our sins so we could be reunited with Him. So when someone asks, "Where is God? What has He done to help me?" You have an answer, and if His Crucifixion isn't enough then just remember he lived this same life your living, only with no air conditioning or comfort fit shoes, no cell phones or cars with built in TV's. He lived a hard life, a simple life so when we needed someone to cry to about this world, He would understand. And we would not stumble alone.

Sometimes... I'm numb other times the emotions are so overwhelming I want to fall to the floor and feel no more. I can picture Jack sitting on the floor playing with his toys, I can see his baby soft skin growing. Some days he's still a baby and others he is eight or nine years old, depending on the unfolding day and the changing events. I will always and forever watch him grow in my mind's eye. I want to touch him and hold him and feel his heart beat, proving to me that he is alive. I want to look into his eyes and see him look back and recognize me. But I can't... I can't see his eyes anymore and I can't remember what it felt like to touch him.

I'm entering a new level of grief. A selfish level, one that wants my son back, one that wants to reach up and rob him from heaven and hold him tight in my arms. And I'm ashamed that I could ever want to take that from him. I'm ashamed that God took my blood clots and not his. Why would He spare me and not my son. Why would He make me stay here without Jack. I know in my rational mind that God knows all and that we are a smaller part, of yet a bigger plan. That if God had chose not to heal my body, then the anguish I feel now, would only be passed to another. But in the pain, in the pit of the ache... rational thoughts aren't as clear as I would like. The devil sits over my shoulder and whispers in my weakness, "that it's all a fairy tale. God does not exist you can't depend on Him.Your in this all alone," he says. "No God... especially the one you love, would take your son from you. He would never comfort you through those months only then to say, 'Sorry, your just not good enough to keep my child, so I'm taking him back.'" He continues this charade of lies by taunting me about God's love. He whispers, "doesn't your God say He loves you? Does this feel like love? All those promises written... broken. He doesn't care about you or anyone you love. Why would He put Jack through so much suffering and make you watch? Why would He make you feel so helpless if He loved you? So I'm telling you," he says, "God is not real. This world is meaningless.You can only depend on yourself."

But the devil forgets that I know he would not have the power to whisper in my ear if it weren't for God. He himself would not exist if it weren't for God allowing it. He forgets that I know that nothing befalls the children of God that doesn’t first pass through His hands.

I believe that God is just as alive in me during those moments of fragility as He is when I'm strong. How would we see His face in the darkness if it was never dark? How would we grow in our faith if we didn't fight for it. So I say in return, "Away with you, Satan! For it is written, ‘I will worship the LORD my God, and Him only will I serve." The whispers begin to fade and the heaviness of his dark presence dissipates. The hollowness that filled my heart is now replaced with a fullness that only God Himself could replenish. I feel alive, strong and fully embraced by Christ, prepared and ready for the next assault. Everyday is a battle and everyday with Christ by my side... I will overcome.

This is a picture of Jack that we have set up in the living room, it's a large 8x10. While it pains me to look at most of his pictures at this time, this one comforts me. In this picture Jack is barely two hours old but his eyes show the wisdom of a grown adult. He looks at the camera as if he knows what happens next, as if he knows that when the camera flashes he must hold his eyes steady not to blink and ruin the picture. He looks at the man holding the camera as if he had been held by him a hundred times before, completely familiar with him. He knows it's his father.  This picture also shows Jack's strength, you see I am a firm believer that God knows each of our souls before we enter our mother's womb. I believe God has preordained each of our days to come, down to the smallest detail. And when I look at this picture I see Jack trusting his life in God's hands. I see wisdom beyond years, I see my child's eyes saying, don't be sad Mommy, God has told me His plan and I am prepared, I am strong and I am going to do God's will. Even if it takes my whole lifetime or even if it takes only 58 days. Jack Isaac lived a full life because he lived the life God had intended for him. Nothing less and nothing more.

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart. Jeremiah 1:5

It just doesn't seem real, I look at your pictures and ask myself... were you really there? Did I really carry you for nine months or was it all a dream? I still feel your touch on my skin, I still feel the ache in my heart. But did it really happen?

Creating this website in Jack's memory has been one of the strongest parts of healing for me, it allows me to express my gratitude to God for giving me enough time to share in my son's life.  Jack Isaac has touched me and continues to touch my life in so many ways. Every bit of effort put forth here on these pages allows me to fill the emptiness left behind. This website allows me continue to see my son everyday until I am healed and can hold him again. I praise God that I have Jack's memories and so I list every detail possible here because I don't want to forget a thing.